Honestly, I'm struggling right now. My beloved cat, Sir Vincent took ill in late October. Things seemed to be getting better until they weren't. He was diagnosed with an infected tooth and infected mouth. The antibiotics did their job and unfortunately exposed a larger problem...a lesion on the back of his tongue...which was cancer.
All of this unfolded on a Tuesday. I was dumbfounded when what was meant to be a routine vet examination turned into a life or death decision. I was not prepared to make that decision that day, so I booked us in for Friday the 18th of November at 8:45 am.
Thursday my brother called to tell me our Mother's health was failing and he needed me back in Ontario asap. I had booked two weeks of retreat time from the 24th of November, so I booked a flight for the 24th to fly to Ontario.
Friday I took Sir Vincent to the vet, wrapped in a blanket. He was quiet, he had not eaten much in the previous week. He went into the back to have an IV inserted and I could hear him growling and hissing. Feisty to the end! He was brought back out, I rearranged his blanket and the vet came in.
I continued to cuddle him as the saline solution was injected into the portacath. He growled a warning and hissed. The first shot went in and he relaxed. A few minutes passed and he received the second shot. He looked into my face as I sent him all the love I had and watched as the life drained from his eyes.
I held him a few minutes more, then I gave him to the vet to be cremated and his ashes scattered in a horse field with a fabulous view of the Alberta foothills. I settled the bill, walked out to the car on a bitterly cold yet bright day, took a deep breath and cried harder than I have ever cried before. Just thinking of this brings a catch to my throat.
I met a friend for breakfast who debrief and then went home, and started cleaning, sorting and packing. I contacted a local animal rescue charity who happily received his things as a donation in his memory. You may think it was too soon, or I should have kept those things, but the pain in my heart and soul demanded they go to something good. I am not prepared to put myself through that again.
Originally published January 2024